Yesterday was one of those days I looked at myself and thought, "How did you get to this point? How did you become this person?"
It's agonizing to fully realize your worst characteristics. The truth is, I am a selfish person. I've gotten so used to not caring about myself or my life, that attitude has started to spill over to other people. I've stopped caring about them. How unfair...
So often I carry the thought, "If I'm miserable, I want others to be miserable." The thought stems out of frustration more than anything else, but still, there shouldn't be an excuse to treat others poorly.
What hurt me the most was realizing what a poor witness I can be for Christ. The truth is, I reflect the wounds the enemy has inflicted, more than I do the new life God has gifted me.
My heart needs to be scrubbed clean and my mind turned inside out...things need to be set new. I don't think I need to become an entirely different person (I don't think I could function without some form of sarcasm!), but I do think my words could be kinder, my actions more sincere, my heart gentler.
I am a beloved daughter of God. I want people to be able to tell, no matter how small amount of time they know me...
Just posting comments like these show the great strides that God is making inside you.....with confession comes forgiveness and freedom. Darkness can't stand the light of truth and will always flee.
ReplyDeletemy heart's been getting a lot of scrubbing the last few days and man o man am i ever realizing how selfish i am and how i try so hard to control others. oh life...thankful to be journeying with you and that you're here again.
ReplyDeleteThis is some of my favorite advice/encouragement from Paul (in Hebrews chapter 10). It's kind of rambling, but if you stick with it the ending verses are pure joy. :)
ReplyDelete11Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. 12But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. 13Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, 14because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
15The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:
16"This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds."[b] 17Then he adds:
"Their sins and lawless acts
I will remember no more."[c] 18And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. 19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.