Thursday, July 22, 2010

Dear Bryan,

5 years ago today, you left. I remember watching as life splintered down around me. Did you know you took a piece of me when you went? You took a piece of all of us...

Little things make me think of you - the color Yellow. Spaghetti. Race cars. Video games. Bowling. Cheesecake. Some memories are faded, but you're still here, in my every day.

I went back to Ecuador this summer. I saw you in the mountains, in colorful markets, in babies chocolate drop eyes. I loved on kids and couldn't help but think - someday they'll be someone's brother or sister, just like you and me.

Right now it feels like we're losing you all over again, like you're about to disappear. And I'm afraid, grasping for you, your memory like water vapor against my hands.

But I know I can't lose you, because I keep you right here, with me. "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)" I don't go anywhere without you, Bryan, because you are a part of me.

It still hurts. Missing you has become an undercurrent, a whisper to my life. Wishing you were here comes with every breath. It's been a long 5 years, buddy, a heavy 5 years.

But we weren't alone, and that made all the difference. I like to think you made us stronger. I know it's not over yet, I don't think it's ever over, but we're still trying. I think you'd be proud of us.

Did you get the balloons? I sent them today. Yellow, just for you.

I love you, Bryan. To the moon and back. What I wouldn't give to have you here --
Before you know it, I'll be home.
With all the love in my heart....

Tu Hermana,


  1. Beautiful Kylee:) Love You & Thinking of you today!!!


  2. He's always with us too, Kylee. He never leaves. Chase wore a yellow shirt all day. I hope that helps in some small way.
    Love you.

  3. I cried when I read this Kylee, you express things very well and it is a blessing to know your heart. Sara

  4. i love you more than any word can express.
    your heart is beautiful beyond words.

    i am glad we got to do the balloons today. <3
    (the white one of mine went to Abba, thanking Him for watching over our beloved siblings, His beloved children.)

  5. i couldn't stop the flow of tears as i read this.
    kj, i love you and i am thinking of you today.
    here is a hug and a kiss and a smile, all the way from california, just for you...

  6. That is beautiful and like the others I could not help but tear up. My thoughts are with you and your family. You all are sweet and caring people and I love your whole family :)