Feather Paperweights

years ago, in the midst of my depression, one of my greatest fears was that I would would never be enough for a man. {i hate admitting that...i know we should look to Jesus for our worth, not men.}

but every day i woke up and told myself, no man will ever want you. i ached to be desired. i thought if i was desired, I would  have worth.

years later, i have learned, finding a man to want and desire you isn't hard
but finding a man who yearns for your heart
your thoughts
your friendship ... that is another matter.

you see, desire can be a cheap thing, a fragile thing, a temporary thing. it only lasts for so long. and more importantly, desire does not mean someone finds value in you.

in my experience, being desired can leave you emptier than when you began. like feather paperweights, desire without love, affection, or commitment, doesn't do much.  i don't know about you, but I don't want the cheap, the fragile, or the temporary.

i want the real, the long term, the trustworthy.

being desired does not prove you have value. whether cheap or real, waiting for another person to affirm you can love yourself is unneccesary. you are worth loving right now. as you are, in this moment .


"As you come to him, the living Stone - rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him -"

 -1 Peter 2:4