Just a girl

8 months ago, I wasn't happy with myself.

Wasn't proud of who I was or where I was going.
I didn't like acknowledging who I was becoming, so I stopped writing. 

Because if I never let the words come out, never watched them press into the paper, then maybe it made them a little less true. 

I thought, for awhile, that in order to blog, to write, I needed to be cute and cheerful and perpetually inspirational. I felt pressure.
All the other blogs had themes and contests and trendy outfits -- wasn't that what I was supposed to be? 

But I'm not. 

I'm just a girl. 

Who's been broken and restored.
Who carries scars and hope in the same heart.  

I'm not here to impress you,

preach to you, 

or pretend with you. 

This place,

is for the words that press on my heart,

those thoughts I can't shake loose.

It's for the days I struggle with my Lord

and when I cling to His Truth. 

Maybe you'll find pieces of yourself here,

in the imperfections,

the frustrations,

the joys,

and the triumphs. 

Come as you are! 

I'm just a girl. 

Satan is picking on you...

On those days fear is a stone on your chest and anxiety lines your pockets,
when self doubt is your best friend
and you get tired of walking forward, consider this....

Satan is picking on you.

Leaning in to whisper discouragement,
to stir up words of "I can't do this"
and "I'm not good enough"
or "I am a failure"

Because he knows.

Knows that if you ever threw that stone off your chest,
shook out your pockets,
and got a new best friend -
if you ever realized your potential in Christ
your strength
your joy
your hope
your purpose

...he'd be ruined.

He only wins if you keep believing lies.

So next time you feel that weight and that doubt,
take it is a compliment.

It just means Satan is scared of what you're capable of.

Encourage&Inspire:: 4

It's been one of those weeks,

where I doubt who I am -

 as a friend,

as a photographer,

as a christian. 

The thing is,

it's ok to doubt.

Because if we doubt, 

we question, we search,

we discover.

And in doing so, unearth

the better, truer 

versions of ourselves 

Where we Are, is Really Not so Bad

I
am a naturally selfish person.
I complain
often
so people understand
just how darn hard my life is
{although lets be real,
it's not}
and feel sorry for myself
on a regular basis.

Then
I work next to a friend
who's sister is
recovering  from
a double mastectomy
and suddenly
the tears in her eyes
put life back into perspective,
the catch in her throat
shifts priorities back into place.

Because
while exhausted,
I am alive
and while not ideal,
this body is whole.
My family
may be rough
and raw around
the edges but
they are mine and they are here.

It
surprises me
that even after
losing and learning
things the hard way,
after promises of life
with no regrets,
I still forget.
I still take these blessings for granted.

lets be thankful for where we are, instead of waiting for something  to remind us how good it is

Encourage&Inspire:: 3

One of those days I wish adults had snow days too... 

But really, I'm just thankful that we didn't end up with that much snow...unlike the poor east coast!! 

And I had an excuse to wear my awesome turquoise hat, so all in all it's a pretty good day =) 

found this after writing my last post...AMEN is all I can say

You might have heard Jill's story already, but if you haven't, go read(watch) it here on Sue Bryce's blog....and if you can make it through this beautiful woman's fight with cancer without crying, you're stronger than I am! 

If I had to say one thing to describe what I want to do with my life..this would be it right here

Feather Paperweights

years ago, in the midst of my depression, one of my greatest fears was that I would would never be enough for a man. {i hate admitting that...i know we should look to Jesus for our worth, not men.}

but every day i woke up and told myself, no man will ever want you. i ached to be desired. i thought if i was desired, I would  have worth.

years later, i have learned, finding a man to want and desire you isn't hard
but finding a man who yearns for your heart
your thoughts
your friendship ... that is another matter.

you see, desire can be a cheap thing, a fragile thing, a temporary thing. it only lasts for so long. and more importantly, desire does not mean someone finds value in you.

in my experience, being desired can leave you emptier than when you began. like feather paperweights, desire without love, affection, or commitment, doesn't do much.  i don't know about you, but I don't want the cheap, the fragile, or the temporary.

i want the real, the long term, the trustworthy.

being desired does not prove you have value. whether cheap or real, waiting for another person to affirm you can love yourself is unneccesary. you are worth loving right now. as you are, in this moment .


"As you come to him, the living Stone - rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him -"

 -1 Peter 2:4

Encourage&Inspire:: 2

Do you like the blog's facelift?! Just seemed like a good time for a little change =) 

Clean, crisp, and simple areas make me feel calm, like I can breathe a little easier.

{which may be why I avoid my room so much....oh the clutter haha} 

Happy Monday everyone! 

so much MAGIC! {found here}

love. this needs to go up on my wall. 

how great is this? 

Beauty in Disappointment

I had plans.

Finish up work, spend the weekend with friends in another state, dance and photograph and just relax for a few days.

Then I woke up sick.

Fever, puking, miserable sick.

And I was angry.

BECAUSE I HAD PLANS, you know?

I'll admit, the sick part was pretty awful. Laying on the couch for 48 hours wondering if you'll ever want to eat again is not ideal. Missing work (read: money) wasn't great.

But waking up rested after two days of sleeping was needed. And spending 3 days with my godparents (from CA) instead of 1, was pretty special. Bowling and watching movies and learning about football was...refreshing.

I'll admit, I'm still disappointed my plans didn't go as planned. I'm sad I didn't get to spend time with my friends.

However, realizing God can make beautiful things out of my disappointment, that he can renew and breathe life into areas I didn't even know I were lacking...is pretty amazing.

Encourage&Inspire:: 1

I think it's key to constantly be finding things that inspire you, whether it be someone you know, a photo, a cause, or a quote - discovering pieces of life that light a fire within you.

Life can be rough, we all know that. It likes to wear you down, whisper the negative, and prey on your insecurities. But that's when I go digging for my favorite photo, write a bible verse down and pin it on my wall, or go read up on a photographer I look up to. A little motivation goes a long way!

So in honor of mondays, when I find myself dragging the most, I'm starting "Encourage&Inspire". Basically, quotes, photographs, and stories that I enjoy and think you might like too =)

Reminded: Hope

A gift from a dear friend,

my favorite word with my favorite color,

a much needed reminder

to keep holding on.

To the hope that no matter how hard we fall,

how low we sink,

how far we walk away,

God can always save us from ourselves.

this beautiful song from Gungor  is another great reminder 

of this Hope 

Bring Joy

This isn't a new year resolution. Because I don't plan on it failing. Or pretending like I didn't say this in about three and a half weeks. This is real and it isn't a new years resolution because I thought about it before the new year even happened.

promise.

this is what I know:
I like people who make me laugh. Who make me happy to be where I am, doing what I'm doing, because they're there. I like people who make my day better.

and this is my thought:
what if...I was that person. What if I made people laugh? Made them feel better? Brightened their day?

here's the key part:
regardless of how I feel. whether I want  to be at work. or I happen to be struggling with myself. beyond all of that, if I stepped outside of myself and where I'm at and simply

brought joy.
because I know people need it.

I would really like to be that girl.

I will probably fail 9 times out of 10 (okay, maybe 8), because lets be honest, I get wrapped up in my worries more than a normal person should, BUT

if every morning,  I wake up and try again, wrap my joy up in a paper bag and carry it to work, share it in a smile, or a joke, or a listening ear;
if every morning, I make the choice (no matter how many times remade)

to bring joy.
I think that's what counts.