When I miss who I was

Every once in awhile, I remember who I used to be. I catch a glimpse of the girl I was, like seeing a memory out of the corner of my eye, a memory so faded and fragmented, I almost forget she existed.

I used to be young, skin fresh and new, instead of this jaded, cynical shell. I believed love was the most natural, beautiful thing in the world and now most days love looks like an illusion. I remember the friendships I had, that I let go, when I was struggling to care about just one life; my own. I can see the roads I never got to take, curving out into the clouds, and I am sad...I so dearly wanted to be that girl.

But she's gone now.

And in these times, when I so bitterly miss who I was, who I could've been, I forge a promise in the shadows of my heart....
to take this girl I am now, birthed from pain and perseverance, washed in sorrow, raised in hope, and make her something beautiful. something strong. something breathtakingly unexpected.