Larry, the Spider

Last night I trudged into the kitchen after a long night, just wanting a glass of juice before I headed off to bed. I drained my glass and set it down on the counter....next to a sandwhich bag....with a SPIDER in it. I froze. "It's fake," I tell myself. Until I look over at post it note next to it..."LIVE SPIDER".

I'm across to the other side of the room in about 2 seconds. "WHY IS THERE A SPIDER ON THE COUNTER???" Apparently, the girls found him in the living room, and Riley thought if she showed her parents what kind of GROSS, GIANT spiders lived in their house, they'd be motivated to do something about it. Frankly, I don't think they cared. But I sure did.

When I woke up this morning, Larry (Riley named him) was still on the counter in the bag and very much alive. I decided everybody wasn't going to go off to work/ school and leave me alone with the spider. Sure, he was in a bag, but everytime I looked at him, it was like he was saying, "Oh yeah, there's more of me ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE."

So I told Riley I was killing her spider and when she didn't protest, set out to do the deed. First, I set a jug of milk on him. It injured him, but he was still crawling around, so I picked up the closest thing, a Bible, and BAM....Larry was a beautiful ball of guts. Finally.

Then, Mac (the 9 yr old) walked into the room and asked me why I'd just murdered one of God's creations. I told him Larry had talked smack to me, and I just couldn't let that fly...

So Larry is dead and I don't feel the least bit bad....but now I'm afraid to sit in the living room (the only place you can get internet) unless I'm in the center of the room. This way, I can see all angles at all times...because I'm sure Larry's family is out to get me now...