My friends and family tease me about being a hermit. I've been called shy, anti-social, cranky, reserved...you get the idea. And sadly, I'd have to say these names are all pretty accurate. But more than anything, I am just down right AWKWARD. When I meet people I have the hardest time thinking of something to say, much less anything interesting. I get all nervous, pulling at my shirt sleeves and avoiding eye contact.
Oh, and I have a confession for you: Pretty/confident people intimidate me. Those types of people make me feel instantly...less. Like I'm not as good. They make me aware of all my flaws, all I lack. That's probably not their intent but I can't help but follow that thought process. (And for the record it feels like everybody in Dallas is good looking and/or confident. Sigh. What to do. haha)
Being around the Brandons has made me realize just how much fear controls my life. I mean, I've known for awhile it's something I struggle with, but here there aren't people who are used to me, who understand how I am. I don't speak or act in front of people I don't completley trust because I'm afraid they won't like me, or they'll judge me. I don't leave the house here because I'm terrified of driving in a city. I avoid public prayer or praying for someone because I'm afraid I won't do it right. I know that God can take away this fear, although I might have to repeatedly give it to Him. It just takes time and that's frustrating. I'm tired of being paralyzed.
Some day I like to think I'll have people skills :)
oh, miss kylee you sound so like me and that sounds so like my transition back here in random ways. and for the record, i have really don't see those labels on you--maybe shy to a degree, but in a different way than it looks mixed in with those others. and besides!! it's not what I say or others say..it's what GOD says about who you are.
ReplyDelete"you are enough because He is enough."
praying for you often. and i'll write more in a note! :)
your confession... at times that goes for me too.
ReplyDeleteit's hard.
and i'll be praying for you.
but just so you know, you ARE pretty. a beautiful creation. crafted in the image of a mighty GOD.
and confidence will come, i'm trusting that the Lord will give it to you!! and yes you have flaws. but i have flaws. and those confident people have flaws. it's all part of being human.
rest in the knowledge that you are a wonderful, beautiful confident ;] daughter of the King.
first of all your pretty so pretty people shouldn't intimidate you! Second I completely know know how you feel about the prayer thing! Every Sunday the people in my church say what they need prayer for and then we all pray. well I always have something or someone to pray for. but.. I completely feel awkward also! I hate being the one person who just can't spit there words out!! I usually never pray at church. My close church family usually end up praying for me! wow that was a big second. THIRD lol I just want to send a big WAY TO BE your way. so way to be SPONTANEOUS,DaRiNg,B.R.A.V.E ADVENTurous... AND MOST OF ALL BEAUTIFUL!! Tomorrow you should wake up maybe put some make up on and use some of that defuser stuff and feel lovely! <3 ya!!
ReplyDelete