Words Like Dust

Before moving away for school,
I distinctly remember saying,
"I don't want any new friends."

I spat the words out defiantly
and they hung there
like dust in sunlight.

Maybe I thought
I'd have to give up the ones I already had
or I wouldn't have enough
of myself to share.

But it turns out those were foolish,
foolish words.

Now I reach out and knock
the words out of the sky,
swirling them into oblivion.

The [true]friends I had before,
are still wonderfully right here.

And the [new]friends I've made
are becoming lovely pieces of my life.

.good moment.

Scrawled
Upside down
In the curve
Of my palm,
Crooked,
Deliberate,
and
Childishly oversized,

I Love You


{let the good moments outweight the bad}

Eyes Wide Open

I can still see her,
two years old
beneath the kitchen table,
chubby hands clamped
tightly over eyes.
If she couldn't see us
then we must not see her.

So often I find myself
under the kitchen table of my mind,
eyes squeezed shut,
hands over ears.
If I pretend it isn't there,
than maybe, eventually,
it just won't be.

But I'm discovering,
growing up,
is crawling out
from under the kitchen table.
Being brave,
is living with

Eyes Wide Open.

this is my life...

THIS is my life.
lights.
cameras.
people.
laughter.

even when things are complicated, ultimately, they're good. because this my life.
i.am.doing.what.i.love. =)

Skinned Knees

A small hand taps my head and I scramble to my feet,
winter boots slipping on gym wood floor.

Arms pumping but legs carefully kept in check,
making sure I arrive just a moment too late.

Now my turn, another race,
and a barely make it return,
knees scraping painfully against floor.

I know I should be too old for this, but
skinned knees and Duck Duck Goose
still make me feel just a lil bit hardcore ;)

See Past Yourself

:: Well you say “hold on, if I could just try this one thing.
Well I know I can change and that would change everything”
But a house made of mirrors never helped you see any clearer
It’s yourself you can’t see past
And Lord, isn’t that just like me?
If only we could see, that He’s already set us free ::

[Lyrics from House of Mirrors, by Tenth Avenue North.]

I love,especially, the line, "It's yourself you can't see past." You'd think we'd know by now we're our own worst enemies.

What if for today, one single day, you laid down your mirrors. And instead looked to your friends. And your family. And let them show you what you look like.

Let them show you the parts they love, the pretty pieces you over look, let them show you the version of yourself you normally won't admit exists.

And you know...at the end of the day...maybe you won't need to pick up your mirrors. Or at least not hold them so close. Like the song says,

He's already set us free

inspired :: Riley

My sister from another mister, Riley has a passion I one day hope to find for myself.

Riley is open mouthed smiles,
long brown legs,
crazy dance moves,
Sonic shakes,
positivity,
and compassion.

Riley pushes me just far enough out of my box to enable growth and then tugs me back for a hug when I'm not strong enough to go farther.

Her faith is a full on fire next to my flame -- the intensity and desire I see in her for God's will... It's stunning.

Ri inspires me to not settle - why shimmer when I can sparkle? She inspires me to live loud,
live bold,
live FIERCELY.

Spiraling thoughts

You know those days?
When no words form,
even as you feel the thoughts turning circles inside your chest?

Today, is one of those days.

When they finally spiral into a thread of substance, you'll be the first to know. Promise.

Head in the Clouds:: January

Every month, I'm going to hang 5 items from my picture mobile - pieces of life that make me smile, make me ponder, and most importantly: make me dream. Here's January :)


a reminder i need on a daily basis

skinny ties :)

my favorite word

my adorable mother!

anne hathaway. stunning.

inspired:: Korinny

Back when I wasn't doing so good, I used to look at my little sister and think, "I want her to be happy." I never wanted her to hate herself or be ashamed of who she was. I wanted her to have what I didn't.

The great thing is, at 13 years old, Korin has more confidence than I do :) She will talk to anyone, anywhere, she'll wear whatever she feels like, and the way she looks is just fine, thank you.

Probably my favorite thing about her is the way she assumes people want to know her, to talk to her, to be her friend. This thought process is so opposite of mind, it baffles me. But I think it's beautiful.

She may be my little sister, but I'll gladly admit to you: I wish I was more like her.

Korinny inspires me to own it - just as I am. To believe that maybe, just maybe, who I am, in this moment, is something good.

Realized

Sometimes you can't understand your own thoughts until they come out of your mouth.

The other day, I tasted the words forming between my teeth and slipping over my lips, and I had to pause.

I realized, after all this time,

I am still waiting for a guy to make me feel good about myself.
I am still waiting for a guy who won't ever hurt me.

I am still waiting for someone who doesn't exist.

I've been looking for fulfillent from a human being, a fulfillment that can only really come from God. My husband will never be my savior....

but that's ok.
Because I already have one. :)

the extra blessings

i have a wonderful family.
great mom and dad.
awesome brothers.
an amazing little sister.

but for some reason, God decided i needed some more family in my life.More love. More trust. More comfort. they're my extra blessings.

here's two of them :)

Wonderfully Anxious

I'm not a big fan of New Year resolutions -- I mean lets be honest with ourselves, are we really going to follow through on our promises for a full year?? The working out, the no chocolate, the waking up early?? Yeah, probably not.

I am, however a fan of goals. Goals, they're exciting. They give you something to strive for, but if you don't quite make it, well you can always try again. (as you can tell, I like things without high amounts of pressure. Me and that whole failure issue you know!)

This year I decided to start a tradition: making the same number of goals as my age for the upcoming year. So I wrote out my 21 ambitions, and I have to say, it makes me wonderfully anxious for what's to come. I want to fulfill these dreams so badly, my skin tingles with anticipation.

Because I like you guys and everything, I'll share some of them with you. (But not the really big scary ones. I'm keeping those locked away next to my heart.)

12. Sew a dress [50's style! :)]
1. Daily God time [i've been letting my heart go thirsty]
10. Travel to a state I've never been to [this should be fun!]
20. Buy and wear a bathing suit [this hasn't happened in about 3 years...so we'll see how this goes haha!]
15. Give my testimony [interested where God will use me]

It's 2011 ya'll. Let's Go. =D