Beauty in Tragedy

I believe as photographers, it isn't our job to pretend or convey that life is always pretty and perfect...because it isn't. I want my photography to be honest. And the truth is even in pain and tragedy, the endurance and strength you find in people is its own kind of beautiful; A beauty that deserves to be captured.

-an excerpt from my paper about Dorothea Lange. She's inspiring.

People Pleaser

i hate that feeling -
when you know you're irritating someone,
but there's not a whole lot you can do about it,
because you as a whole is what's bugging them
(ha.)

the truth is -
I want Everybody to like me All the time.
obviously, this is impossible.
but I let people define
how I view myself.

it's kind of lame.

destresser?

Last night I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and listened to an old cd...which turned out to be Miley Cyrus.

Just to keep from being stressed.

Hey, whatever it takes, right?

the elderly couple

I was rubbing my neck, turning away from my computer screen, wishing the paper would just write itself already, when I saw them.

An elderly couple two table down. It stood out to me he had taken the seat next to her, instead of across from her, so that they were closer. Their heads were bent towards each other, words rolling low in their throats. From what I could hear, it was just their plans for the day, but they shared it like a well worn secret.

I couldn't help but notice the young couple directly behind them, sitting in seperate chairs, him on his phone, her in a book. Not touching, or talking, or acknowdleging.

I smiled and decided to believe, even after all these years, the elderly couple still just wanted to be close to each other.

Captain of my Soul

"You can't let yourself stand in the way of your dreams."
--a friend

She said a lot of things I needed to hear, but this stood out to me especially. It made me think of the poem Invictus (it's wonderful, read it), the last 2 lines of which i repeat to myself on a weekly basis...

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The minute you stop fighting, is the minute you start dying.

Right now

I am sitting between Mallory and Ryan,
Ryan leaning towards the tv, enthralled in his video game;
Mallory on the couch, drooling over Emma Watson and reading blogs
- we're supposedly working on homework, but of course we're not.

Mallory is reading funny things to us and whistling Harry Potter;
Ryan is rubbing at the back of my hand, thinking my freckles are pen marks.

Right now I am pretending we are our very own quirky little family. Just because I like being here. :)

Right now, is good.

Blonde moments

Today I was trimming paper and my boss walks up to me...watches me for awhile and then asks, "Have you not used the big paper cutter before?"

I stop and look at him. I tilt my head. The tips of my mouth turn down. "Um, I don't think so."

His brow furrows, perturbed, but he just waves me to follow him.

And I start to before I realize, why yes, yes I have used the big paper cutter before. Several times in fact - I just kinda sorta forgot it existed.

Then suddenly, there it is, in my mind again! Oh yes, the paper cutter. Just that big beautiful machine sitting over there...
The girls laughed at me.
I turned red.
And my boss just patted my shoulder consolingly.

Sometimes, I have blonde moments.

Smurfs

today i was driving and i suddenly thought of the time i blew a tire...
in the middle of february.
at 11 o'clock at night.

And I remembered my friends piling out of their cars to fix my tire. The back door closing on levi's head, ally protecting us from traffic, the boys ripping up my carpet before realizing, oh, they didn't have to in order to get to the spare tire (haha).

i can still feel the air biting through my jacket and see my breath hovering in a cloud around my face. we were laughing, shivering, and the tire got fixed.

and then i bought them pie. because i love them.
these friends, i call them the smurfs, just because. we fit together, just right.

Miss you guys.
I still love you <3

we will win the war

sometimes It overtakes you

and all you can do is

curl up and wait for it to be over.

It will pass.

It always does.

It's ok to lose some battles,

if we win the war.

"I want more"

last night I had a dream the world was coming to an end and Jesus was coming back

and I was standing there crying because of all the things I never got to do.

"but I want more," I said.

Now, when Jesus actually comes back, I highly doubt I'm going to be disappointed, but when I woke up I heard myself saying that and I realized what I was trying to tell myself is,

Don't be afraid to live.
-to do
-to go
-to try.

I don't want to get to the end of my life and still have my list of things I always meant to do.

Dream big. And go to it :)

@ caribou

the caribou workers are having a biscuit fight

or something.

i love coming here in the last hour,

because it's all relaxed

and they recognize me.


Life is currently jumbled.
So I listen to "satisfy" by nathan lopez and feel better.

love love, me